I was caring for someone who is dying for the pass few 2 days, a very nice man who lived in the nursing home that i’m currently working. It is heartbreaking to care for people when they are dying. In palliative care, you have to really hold your emotion when caring as a carer. They are reaching the end of their life, I try to do whatever i can to keep them comfortable.

Don’t die with regrets, enjoy everyday of your life.

I have got to admit, i can’t live without money (who can?). Despite the fact that i have to pay $19 000 for my university tuition per year(OK, i study aboard) but hey that’s a lot of money! University is a money vampire that suck the money out of you to subsidise the local Australian students. Often i find myself in inequity position while studying and working at the same time in Australia. Being an international student isn’t easy, study, work and more study. At the same time, you see other students go out every weekends and get drunk. I work every weekend at nursing home, to support myself and get things that i needed. Can’t use the money excessively like other people would do, because the rest of the salary will be put into saving for my tuition.

Break it down.  $1000 a fortnight and spend $250 a fortnight you can try that for a month i’m sure most people won’t survive. I don’t wanna complaint about my circumstances but embrace it, embracing what you have and able to get out of it. I told myself many times i will work harder study harder, because i know one day i will be a successful person in many ways. Money is a way for me to measure my achievement not a way for me to brag about my life. I appreciated everything my parents have done for me, I will provide the best that i can when they need that help. Mum and dad worked so hard to send me to this place, I have learned to be independent, I have learned that money does not come easy at first, I have learned that financial knowledge and management is important and i have learned that I will never have to struggle this much once i master that knowledge.

I have learned to share.

The desire of earning more money is not greed but fail to share your wealth is greed!

It’s only one day i have already felt so much better, so much relieve that roaming my mind for so long. I pick up my black pen and start writing what i like about my life, what i have expected in my life and fail to have that expectation dream come true. It’s ok that we can’t achieve that, because it is a part of the learning process. I pushed myself too hard for the past few years and it’s very unhealthy.

Took me that long to realize this but i guess it wasn’t too late.

I have expected to have an awesome 21st birthday this year but instead i didn’t celebrate it and receive any presents, i expected too much out off it. that expectation became a root of greed. *Breath in and out* i understand that it is not important anymore to have a 21st birthday party. I celebrated my 21st birthday in my pajama’s and tell myself i will be strong and achieve more in life. I told my parent i’m fine if i didn’t celebrate 21st that was a lie, a lie that i should not have told. It’s was just to cover up my emotion and put up a brave face.

It is ok to feel sad, it is ok to feel annoy and it is ok to feel angry about everyone in the world. Because we are all human with emotions, but remember in the end of the day.

YOU ARE THE ONE THAT MAKE THAT CHOICE TO BE HAPPY!

attain that happiness!

I start this blog for no appear reason but it is a tool for me to express myself. There will be a time you realize that there is so many things going on in your life that you just want to stop! Ask the world to stop for you but how can that be possible? Earth keeps rotating and you life move on.When i finally slow down today, i realized that i missed out so much not in term of days but years. To be exact it is 4 years, in those 4 years i have learned a lot about myself, my family and what i really want in life. I was brought up and always been under Buddhas blessing, it is really sad that i found myself abandon buddhas teaching. I have no direction no one to go to when im stressing out trying to achieve more and more in life. Craving for success, hopefully that i could earn more and losing fragments of why I should be more respect of my life and reaching the enlightenment. I shall reclaim that understanding! and i want to know what i can do with my life through buddhas teaching! because i really want to!